Uhm this is my generation...

and to lift my heart a bit, my favorite response.

Panty washing and reflection.

Right now I'm at my little sister's house doing laundry. It's funny, she is 2 years younger than me and has a 2 year old and a husband. I'm currently single, hungover and I don't even have a washer/dryer.

As I'm raiding her refrigerator (moms always keep stocked refrigerators), I realized I could have been in this same position. At the age of 23, I could have already been married and had kids. I've promised forever to boyfriends and I've had way too many close calls in my sexual career.

The difference is I believe I have made the conscious decision not to. She chose the motherhood path, and she's an AMAZING mom/wife/housekeeper/sister/friend/etc, I just don't think I have those same qualities. I'm far too selfish and I drink far too much. I'm extremely proud of what's she's done with her life, even if its not what I would have chosen. I'm not going to lie, there are times where I wonder how things would have worked out with different men I've been with, but all in all, right now, this very moment, I'm happy where I'm at.

Plus, who needs a live-in boyfriend when you have an extremely good-looking neighbor just two floors above you?

My life as a future cat lady.

Living on your own is more wonderful than anything in the world. Better than a boyfriend, better than great sex, even better than a cold beer in the hot sun (I've never been a fan of chocolate). I've had roommates since I left home at 17....whether the roommate was someone I was fucking or just a friend, it's always ended in disaster.

For once in my life I can walk around my cute little apartment naked, take a chug of orange juice right out of the carton and EVEN BETTER, there is no one there to give me dirty looks when I've passed out on the sofa with a bottle of champagne.

In fact, as I ran out my door this morning for work I noticed that there were 10 bottles of champagne on my counter.

Excessive? Yes.


Really though, what the hell else am I supposed to drink while reading "Breaking Dawn" in my underwear and hanging out my window for a smoke?

Now if only I had a damn balcony. Oh and a schmexy vampire.

Movin' on

I am officially not homeless! I think the praying I did last week paid off, because last minute I found an apartment. Turns out crying hysterically and screaming while looking up at the sky and ending your sentences with "AMEN" instead of "FUCK MY LIFE", will actually get results.

The apartment is cute and small but big enough for me and Pita.

But you know what the best part about my new apartment is? FREE INTERNET!!!

Kiss my ass internet, I'm not paying for you ever again. Well at least for the next 6 months to a year(In my panic to find a place I didn't bother looking at the lease agreement).

Why I should stop dating online.

As embarrassing as this is to admit, my last 4 boyfriends I have met online. I guess everyone does it now and it doesn't carry the same stigma it did a few years ago, but still. I find myself racking my brain whenever anyone asks where I met my boy du jour.

I have weened myself off my habit of cruising for boyfriends on social networking websites recently. Not going to lie though, two years ago I was the girl constantly posting bulletins asking guys to fill out my 'Boyfriend Application'.

For shits and giggles last week I decided to read through my old applicants, when I stumbled upon this one:



and if my online dating failures aren't enough to keep me away from myspace, you would think this would.

Man arrested in movie theater after leaving child in car
Batman Would Not Be Impressed

Yes same guy and yes, I approved his application.

I guess I'm just a sucker for tarot card readings and back rubs. Fortunately, our date consisted of me being thoroughly annoyed with his sweaty palms and asking him to leave an hour into it, and NOT me getting knocked up. Doing the math, his kid had to have been conceived around the time we met...what a lucky girl.

For fun, a Youtube video from him.

I can handle the streets, Pita can't.

I have to be out of my house (a house that I love with all my heart) by next Thursday. I'm coping a lot better than I normally would, perhaps its a testament to how shitty my life has been the past year or so.

This poses a problem because a) I don't have a new place yet b) I don't have a working car c) I have no money.

I'm frantically looking for a place that would work for a poor&carless girl and her pug, and unfortunately I'm having no luck. I need a place with easy access to public transportation (whose transmission goes out right after the engine is replaced, except for me?), hardwood floors, and if at all possible a good looking neighbor who wants to cook for me all the time (no gender preference here, I just like looking at pretty people). How am I still so picky even while facing homelessness? Meh.

I am looking at a place after work today, and I'm hoping to god it works for me. Seriously though, I will sleep in the park before I end up in a dump of an apartment with a 12 month lease. Pita can stay in a swanky pet hotel/lounge for the time being, maybe they can teach her to stop having accidents.

My thoughts are swirling around design ideas. I've watched a month of straight HGTV and I am ready to rock the shit out of my next place. I'm dreaming of beautiful hot pink damask embossed wallpaper and a celadon colored sofa. If you can think of a place where my eccentric tastes in decor would work. Let me know.

More motherly than I thought possible.

I've never been one to mind anything anyone says to me. I don't take advice well, I can't handle being told I'm wrong, and if someone suggests something...I usually do the exact opposite.

I've been pierced and tattooed and I've dabbled in substances I probably shouldn't have. I get a kick out of having a good story to tell at parties, seriously, I have some great fucking stories. Thanks to this stubborn streak, I've gone through phases of having electric blue hair, a 12 inch mohawk and piercings. I'm not just talking about piercings on my face.

Too much information? Perhaps.

It's come full circle now, my piercings are gone (well the more inappropriate ones at least) and my hair is back to a natural color. I'd like to say other than my temper, I'm a pretty well adjusted young woman. Here's proof:

Today my 15 year old brother texted me looking for help but found none.

Lil Brother: I want to get some gauges in my ear.

K: Nope...you'll ruin your ears.

Lil Brother: So no? You have big ones...I just want mine small.

K: Fat chance...I also own a home and Mom stopped having a say in what I do to my body a LONG time ago. (She gave up when I lost my virginity)

I guess you could say I'm responsible and I've matured and that I'm looking out for my brother's well being. Honestly though, my mom can be a bitch and I don't want to be involved.

Love you mom!